Working Moms and Pandemic Burnout
The coronavirus has opened our eyes to a whole new world of responsibilities. People are homeschooling their children, caring for elderly parents, managing the anxiety and stress associated with being quarantined with their loved ones all day every day and still trying to deliver at work.
Moms are taking on unimaginable duties right now, often with minimal help from their partner or spouse. I’ve heard stories of families where both parents are under the “shelter at home” order and are both working from home. The story usually involves the dad sitting down with his laptop in a quiet room with the door shut so he can focus on work. This leaves mom to play school teacher, referee, chef, housekeeper and employee.
Under this new pressure, women are struggling with anxiety, stress, resentment, depression and more. They are trying to take on all the responsibilities of full-day childcare and school, but are at risk of burning out if we don’t do something about it.
It may be true that the husband’s job pays more or is less flexible, but that does not relieve him of the responsibilities he still has to his family. If this sounds like your situation, read on and we’ll discuss some potential solutions.
How Partners Can Help
If your partner isn’t carrying their share of the burden. Or if YOU are the partner who isn’t carrying their share, it’s time to step up. Here are some options to consider:
Create a Schedule. Sit down together and create a schedule for the family that will allow both partners to complete tasks for the family and their employer. Try to schedule small blocks of 2–4 hours where one partner is in charge of all things homeschool/kids while the other one can focus on work. Then switch! Doing this throughout the day or week will help alleviate the load that is likely falling all on mom right now.
Take Turns Cooking Meals. This can be helpful in a variety of ways. It can be tough for one person to do it all and not lose their mind. So if mom cooked breakfast, dad is in charge of lunch! Or alternate days. Mom takes care of the meals on Monday, Wednesday Friday and dad takes Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. In my household, whoever cooks — the other does the dishes and cleans the kitchen. This can be a good division of chores, as well.
Laundry. This may seem like a small thing, but if you’re the one doing all of the tasks listed on this page, you’re doing too much. Take turns with loads of laundry or alternate days. Or one person washes and dries and the other folds and puts them away. Anything you can do to cut the load in half (see what I did there?)
Use Your Words. Sometimes, all it takes is a reminder that someone cares. So if your partner is taking the brunt of the chores, ask how they’re doing. Ask how they’re feeling. Ask how you can help. This is the simplest but sometimes most impactful thing you can do for someone who is struggling or overwhelmed. If YOU are the overwhelmed one, ask for help! There is no shame in that!
How Employers Can Help
Employers can also help in a variety of ways. Companies are struggling with a loss of profits and productivity, but if they don’t step in and help alleviate this problem, they will also struggle to keep employees. But simple things could have a huge impact on parents who are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.
Flexibility: Employers could consider being more flexible with schedules and allow employees to take breaks during the day to do homework with their kids.
Deadlines: They could also postpone deadlines for projects. This would alleviate some of the pressures on both men and women so they can focus on doing what is needed at home.
Reprioritize: Companies could reprioritize tasks for employees who are caregivers in their homes.
All of these small gestures could lead to huge productivity gains and loyalty once the company reopens. One thing is for certain: if employers don’t take care of their people during these trying times, they could find themselves at a serious loss when the job market reopens. An employee who feels taken advantage of or completely burned out is at a much higher risk of leaving.
How you can help yourself
Finding ways to get some relief is a vital part of this process. Try to take breaks when you are home with the kids. Go for a walk while your partner is on kid-duty. Schedule zoom happy-hours with your friends to catch up and share stories. Having take-out for dinner sometimes is completely okay! Letting the kids watch TV or play with their phones while you get some work done is okay!
It’s also important to acknowledge your feelings at this point in the game. Recognize that these feelings are a natural part of coping with the stress of additional responsibilities. Take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in what you’re feeling. The vast majority of us are in survival mode right now. Don’t feel guilty for asking for help or losing your patience. And definitely don’t feel guilty for taking time for yourself!
Don’t Try to Do It All
Don’t try to be a perfectionist right now! There is no way to make this experience perfect for your family, and no reason to do so, either. Make the best of the time that you have to spend together and be proud of the effort.
The most important message for moms to understand that they should NOT have to do it all. Speak up and ask your partner to help. Open the discussion and let him know how you’re feeling. It’s possible that he doesn’t even realize how much you’re taking on right now. Now is the perfect time to let him know that you need help and ask him to step up to the task.
